Jessica shares her story about keeping real, finding her own voice, and what it means to be Pinay in the demanding entertainment industry.

Jessica shares her story about keeping real, finding her own voice, and what it means to be Pinay in the demanding entertainment industry.

As told by Jessica Fernando, a proudly Pinay performing artist

I am Pinay and proud because even if people tell me I can't sing because of my weight (yes, they think I'm overweight), I'm stubborn and persevering and I continue on singing.

In the entertainment industry, an extremely high premium is placed on the physical. It's the same everywhere; the Philippines is just like the West.

It's downright depressing when after performing for most of your life, you still hear things like: "You sing well, but you need to lose weight," from a director of one of the top local TV stations, or "Nagddiet ba 'yan?" ("Is she on a diet?") from an entertainment manager of a big venue, and "Ang taba-taba mo na!" ("You're already so fat!") from managers and booking agents everywhere. And here, if one is a singer and a little big, she's more often than not a comedienne, too.

But I'm not that type. I'm not one to be cracking jokes onstage all the time, making fun of people, or putting myself down.

Like so many girls, I've done almost everything to try to lose weight: laxative teas, diet pills, fad diets, all kinds of workouts, overexercising, counting calories, journaling what I ate - everything. And because I have a thyroid condition, it makes it extra challenging to be thin.

Dying to be thin - I heard this from somewhere. And literally, I die inside every so often because I really want to be thin and perfect. I really, really, really do. It sounds so superficial and melodramatic, compared to so many other issues, and people who know me must be tired of hearing my anthem, but I know it's not just me, a 27-year old Filipina singer, who has this story. Each one of us has, if not still does, tried to fit a certain mold. This has been true in the past, and this reality all over the world.

Filipina singers are incredible singers. They're very persevering. They're known worldwide to be belters and really good mimics of other singers' voices and styles. Those who do are talented; just please don't look to me to fill those molds. I can do the belting type from time to time, but I do have my own kind of music, and I do have my own voice.

And I am proud to be a Filipina because in spite of the demands to be physically perfect and fit into other people's expectations, I'm still here - me, Jessica, individual and unique in voice, style, and shape.

 

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